If you’re a parent, grandparent, teacher, or childcare provider, effective discipline can be a challenge. Recently, I came across an amazing book that will help when dealing with an angry, frustrated, emotional child: The Whole Brainchild: 12 Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind (2011).
Siegel and Bryson describe the developing young brain and the reasons frustration leads to negative responses. Adults learn simple approaches to help the child gain control of their emotions to prevent outbursts. Admittedly, I was skeptical at first but frankly I’ve been stunned at how effective this approach works with my young grandchildren.
First, they explain that the child’s brain is divided into a bottom emotional center and a top cognitive or thinking part. Uncontrolled emotions and frustrations erupt from this bottom area. It takes the child some time for the cognitive, thinking center to figure out how to handle the negative emotion. The technique gives the child time to pause and think before they explode.
Example:
A 9-year-old is getting ready to get out of a boat with her grandparents. She is to remain seated until the lines are secured, etc. However, she is becoming very anxious to get out and help her grandfather, frustrated that she must wait until it’s safe. A rude, impatient, attitude is building with a disrespectful response coming.
Grandma: Sally…I know that you love helping Papa tie the lines and help him. You’re such a big help. I get that…but it isn’t safe for you yet. Do you think you could wait a few more minutes and as soon as Papa is ready you can go out and help him?
Sally: Ok Grandma… I’ll wait.
Her feelings and emotion were identified which gave her time to think more rationally and calm down. I wonder if children get frustrated because he or she can’t express those feelings fast enough. Soon it was safe for Sally to hop off the boat and work with her grandfather…no tantrum…a happy ending.
In retrospect this technique is a good one for adults as well. When we’re feeling those negative emotions erupting…pause…and take a moment to think about our response as well. It’s good advice for all of us and much better for our blood pressure.
So, the next time you feel a harmful eruption coming on…don’t just count to 10…count to 1,000!
A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control (Proverbs 29:11).
References:
Daniel Siegel & Tina Bryson, The Whole Brainchild: 12 Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind (2011), Bantam Books Trade Publishers: New York.
Jennie E. Johnson, Wake Up Call 911: It’s Time to Reduce Your Risk for A Heart Attack and Stroke (2015).
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ã All rights reserved 2023, Jennie E. Johnson, RN-BC, PhD
Author of:
Wake Up Call 911: It’s Time to Reduce your Risk for a Heart Attack and Stroke (2015)
Helping the Hurting: Nursing Ministry in the Body of Christ (2022)
Paperback copies of both books for sale. Email me for details at: ask@jenniejohnsonrn.com.
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